5 Ways You Grow From Your Grief
Losing someone you love is one of the hardest things to have to go through. Afterward, you are left with a hole inside you that they once filled. People try to console you by saying “time heals all wounds.” As the days, months, and years go by, you might feel like you are healing. You might be able to go a day without thinking about them or crying over the loss. This is growth.
The fact of the matter is that the grief doesn’t get smaller, but we grow more so it is taking up less space. That hole they left is still the same size, we are just learning to accommodate our grief. This shows just how resilient we are. In the moment, grief consumes us. As time moves on, you learn to cope with your grief in different ways.
Does this mean you aren’t sad about it sometimes? Of course not. If you tried to tell me that losing my father would lead to my personal growth, I would have laughed in your face. But sincerely speaking, you will grow from experiencing loss. It may take years to notice the growth, but you are growing through this.
Here are 5 ways you are growing from your grief:
- Instead of focusing on time lost, you focus on special times you had with your loved one.
At first, every time you think of them, tears well up about all the time that you could have had with them. As time goes on, when you think of them, your brain travels to a time that you shared with them or a hobby that you shared. This may still be accompanied by tears, but crying is just your brain handling an overflow of emotions.
2. You’re able to go through old belongings and spark happy memories.
Going through their belongings is always a mountain to climb. When I lost my father, I still smelled his scent in certain rooms of the house. I would sit in those rooms when I missed him. His belongings weren’t moved for over a year after he passed because I couldn’t manage looking at all his things. Now as I go through any of his belonging, I’m fill with memories that I had long forgotten. I’m able to smile remembering how he loved collecting things, how he smiled in every photo, and his sense of humor.
3. When you miss them, you participate in one of their favorite activities.
Missing someone who is gone is a natural feeling. When those feelings come around, try to participate in something they loved. Cook their favorite dish. Watch their favorite movie. Go on a hike on their favorite trails. This helps us feel connected to the person after they are gone. Once you are in a headspace to participate in these activities, they will be so important to help grow through your grief.
4. Sharing stories of your loved one to people who never knew them to keep their memory alive.
I light up when someone shares a little slice of their life that they had with their loved one. I try to cherish those moments and keep them close to my heart in that moment. It’s incredibly special to share those moments with people. Their memory stays alive in those moments. Now, they carry around a little sliver of who you loved one was.
5. You begin living again after loss.
After losing a loved one, time stops. This could be for months or years, but time is halted and everyone else seems like they keep on moving. You might have withdrawn from activities you loved because you did them with your loved one or shared your accomplishments with your loved one. One day, slowly but surely, the world will start spinning again. You will begin to live your life and do the things you enjoy. Share those things with your loved one who are still with us and carry on that legacy.
Everyone is in a different place in their grief, but there are signs that you are growing through your grief. You will always miss your loved one. You’ll still be sad or upset some days. You are so strong and able to get through this time. Cling to the good memories that you had with you loved ones. This will help in the process of growth.
